


If Only If Only

by rajahshinmoons



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hot Sex, maybe baby, resolutions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-10 00:18:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5561473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rajahshinmoons/pseuds/rajahshinmoons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My first J/C and I chose resolutions fix with a whole lot of fluff thrown in for good measure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Unsinkable

Kathryn Janway didn’t cry when they packed their things both shuffling in silence around the tiny living space in a drone like fashion. She couldn’t cry before being transported away she was being rescued, had on the uniform it would have been unbecoming of a captain to cry. There wasn’t any time in-between monitoring to make sure there were no adverse reaction to the antivirus, debriefings and briefing, inspections and reports there were logs to compose and then there was the prefire temperature to solve.

It staggered her a week after their return to Voyager she was in her quarters reading a collection of Gwendolyn Brooks poems

_There is a little lightning in his eyes._  
_Iron at the mouth._  
_His brows ride neither too far up nor down._

_He is splendid. With a place to stand._

_Some glowing in the common blood._  
_Some specialness within._

She began to crumble a small piece with every tear. Janway sobbed inconsolably until there was nothing left but dry heaving that brought up bitter coffee and the three bites of leola root stew she had ingested.  
Ritualistically it continued for weeks like clockwork she made it through her day holding it all in until she was safely in quarters where she would crumble. Sometimes she would be so angry that she would want to destroy everything in her chambers and the first time rage overtook her she almost did stopping at her books and keepsakes before breaking down and weeping that evolved to convulsion and sleeping on her bathroom floor.  
She knew she couldn’t function as human that way let along be Captain of a Starship so she did the only thing she could. She built a wall brick by brick limiting their time on duty together always on the opposite rotation always commander never Chakotay.  
A piece of her died every time she had to look in his eyes or listen to his nuddging about her diet, coffee intake, or sleeping habits. He was not wrong in all of it but it was harder to wear the captain’s mask, harder to lie to herself enough that she could lie to everyone else. Like Molly Brown in some instance she had found a way to survive to be civil for the sake of being a Captain to be unsinkable.

 

She was hot, sweating in mid-suffocation from her Starfleet turtle neck. Janway leaned her head back pulling at the constricting fabric whipping the damn moisture from her neck line  
It was her… she knew it only because she had just read the systems report for Environmental Controls stating that everything was working well within their perimeters.  
All she wanted was a nice cool bath she was beginning to feel grimy for the moisture gathering against her skin.  
Her ready room door gave the familiar tingle startling her back to the present she grab one of her PADD before uttering the words for entrance.  
Her commanding fficer strolled in and stood at parade rest waiting her acknowledgement.  
“I think I’ve solve the chamber situation.”  
He placed the PADDS in the empty space on her desk that was beginning to form piles. She hadn’t looked up from her PADD. He waited still at parade rest.  
“Thank you commander,I will get to them” she rebutted with a forced smile hoping he would get the idea.  
He moved around her desk touching her coffee mug finding the murky liquid was lukewarm at best.  
“Kathryn you should eat.”  
Her eyes drew in the general direction of her first officer who stood by her replicator not seeming to take the hint. She had been in no mood to do battle she was exhausted lately trying to catch up on months of work had left her physically drained and her current cat and mouse with her commander was handling the emotional. She nodded in conscience if only to end their interaction.  
“Computer pasta with butter. Hot.” his voice reign out clear she could hear the delight in his voice.  
_Damn._  
She mused if only in her head. She questioned her first officer’s surveillance skills. He knew that lately she had been off staying away from Nelix’s latest leola root concoction but didn’t figure out that Tuvok was a spy.  
The replicator hummed and he brought the dish over steam still trailing.  
“Thank you commander.” her tone more indifferent than she intend.  
He gave a dimpled smirk shifting his weight as though debating to test a theory before adding  
“You know what they say, happy captain, happy ship. Enjoy you lunch Kathryn” he exited the ready room.  
She slowly muddled her way threw another PADD while consuming the dish it was replicated with none of the tastings of home which was so far away but it have the tastings of a familiar taste. She cursed her first officer again at his passive aggressive reminders that he cared.  
Her mind skipped like rock over a pond about the months she had just spent with her commanding officer before sinking back into her reports.

 

It was well pass alpha shift when she left her ready room making her way toward her quarters. Her mind felt like mush and she not much better she was exhausted falling asleep on her couch jacket threw over a chair boots in the floor hair still in a bun.  
The door chimed woke her disoriented beckoned the visitor in before realizing the disarray  
“Chakotay…” she yelped trying to straighten her appearance, failing at smoothing her hair back in to order.  
His eyes seem to dance as he placed a container of food on the table nonchalantly putting her boots by the door and hanging up her coat  
“I figured you had a rough day thought I would bring you some of the vegetable stew seems I made too much.”  
“Thank you, Commander.” Her voice came in-between a yawn that brought blush to her cheeks.  
She was still tired.  
“Wanna talk about it?” he offered as he began to clear her table “I have a lovely bottle of wine that’s sure to help.” he offered soft dimpled smile.  
He was being pushy today first lunch now this there was a dull ache in his eyes as he waited for her answer.  
“I’m rather tired. I think I will pass on the wine.” She saw the disappointment before he could hide it “… But if you don’t mind we could eat.” She gave in she could fake her way through a meal Earth was far and she needed the practice.  
His eyes seemed to light up as he portioned the soup for the both of them.  
She watched him set the table taking out the pins that had started to jab in the bun allowing her hair to fall before quickly pulling it in to a ponytail.  
“Coffee Kathryn?” He asked as she thought how barbaric but effective was death by a thousand cuts or in case a thousand Kathryns’.  
“Actually a gingerale would be better after this I plan to get some rest.”  
He gave a brow raised that would have put Tovok to shame.  
“Captain Kathryn Janway turning down coffee, I’m tempted to call the Doctor right now and ask for a neurological scan.” He teased.  
“Gingerale. No ice. 20 degrees Celsius”  
she looked at him bewildered  
he just smiled  
“You abhor cold drinks and room temperature is too hot.” He placed the glass haphazardly within her reach before settling in his seat.  
Again she realized he knew her and she probably could lie to herself and the crew but never to him. He had given her space and time to work threw her feelings steel her emotions and accept being “rescued”.  
They set in silence for a moment allowing the motions f eating to offset the void slowly consuming their thoughts.  
“Paris is up to something.” He offered his eyes twinkling with a familiar mischief.  
Her laughter came in a thud.  
“What else is new and I’m pretty sure he’s going to drag Kim with him, Poor kid has had his replicator rations docked for the last two months because of Paris antics.” She chided.  
“I’m pretty sure the Delaney sister are involved too.”  
Their laughter kept flowing and she was forgetting to hate him to end this interaction even though her bowl was empty and gingerale all but gone.  
She yawned once again feeling lethargic creep up once again.  
“I should be leaving.” He stepped taking their items to be recycled before heading for the door  
“ah.. yes Commander it is late and you do have gamma shift.”  
“I do.”  
She come to rearrange herself on her maud couch folding her feet under her as he made his way to the door  
“Goodnight Kathryn”  
“Same to you Commander”


	2. The Why.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coping is different for everyone

 

Chakotay let out a long sigh from his soul when the doors closed behind him before making the short steps to his quarters.  He kicked off his boot and threw his coat to the side reaching for his hidden Antarian cider pouring himself a full glass. He wonders how they had got here. The month after New Earth was the hardest she was less then civil no she was downright bitch hideous work hours, always Commander, she talked at him not to him. She avoided him like he had the Phage. He himself had choose to crawl into his Antarian bottle so he couldn’t judge. So he chose to endure and to do the only thing he knew how…love her.

He began to drink letting his mind wonder it wasn't long before he found what he was searching for his eyes closed as he began to remember.

“I’ll have the river”

His heart seemed to shattered with the static of the commlink.

30 hours was all he heard. How do you spend the last thirty hours of a fantasy? He pondered

 How do you deal with end of a lifetime?

Chakotay knew how she felt what they had experienced.

She floated through their encampment slowly rounding up her things.

Time winding down.

_Five._

All his sand paintings and busy projects were put away and he was helping with her books and equipment.

_Twelve._

He made dinner while she took her last bath in the tub he built for her.

_Thirteen._

He had destroyed the bath tub in a fit of rage yelling to the heavens and cursing whatever spirts brought such misfortune to his life.

She had gone to the shuttle craft to put things away.

_Fifteen._

 She had pulled out their uniforms and placed them on an empty table had made.

_Eighteen._

 They shared their last meal and watched the sunset solemnly.

_Nineteen._

“Kathryn…”

“No…”

“But…”

 “I said no Chakotay”

“Please…”

“Commander…”

“NO!...Kathryn Look at me”

She turned her body toward the tall bronze man but did not meet his eyes.

“Please Just once…so I know that this wasn’t just a dream, that…that…that we were here. We can be command team once the uniforms are on after we have packed but not now. I can’t survive a 75 year trip with this much regret it will turn to bitterness and hate and Kathryn I don’t want to hate you.

He sighed hard.

“I don’t want to hate you Kathryn.”

“Please…”

He watched as she never looked up, just let out a defeated sigh her shoulders straightening in resolve she began to turn out the lights around the room. He felt her at his back her arms wrapping around him hands covering his chest. He placed his hand over hers that covered his heart before bringing it to his lips.

They stood like that in the pale darkness of the room the only noise was sounds of air being recycled heartbeats and forest.

He wanted to see her, look into eyes and try to ingrain in his mind every inch of her. Chakotay wanted what was about to take place to be filled with so many other emotions other than the sorrow and regret that was forming from their love.

_How befitting that the one time I will ever hold her should be shrewd in such melancholy_. He mused.

He didn’t know when he felt her hands travel down his body taking inventory of muscles and scares that she knew of before palming his manhood causing it to grow.

 He stopped her turning himself to face her.

_So small and petite_. _Fragile._

This was not the Great Kathryn Janway Captain of the Federation Starship Voyager or even Mark’s Kate this was his Kathryn. The Kathryn who couldn’t take surprised and would skinny dip in the lake when she thought he was working. The Kathryn that challenged him to a foot race and grew Talaxian tomatoes in their garden.

Their forehead rested on one another before the first kissed. He was infuriated that it tasted of salt and hopelessness. It surged on in each kiss like a damn about to break. His hands were tangling in her hair his lips trancing constellation of the stars they had named one night whimsically making stories of great battles or love, honor and duty. He wanted this to be slow and passionate but she was rushing pulling at the edges of his tunic palming his manhood again heating him up faster turning it into fury, filling it with remorse.

“Stop...” he found himself grabbing her at the wrist breaking their kiss both breathless.

 She went to pull away but he was jerking her to him feeling her collided with his chest grip tighting more than he intended.

“Not like that…”.He whispered in her ear voice thick with desired and despondency.

“Let me enjoy you.”

He brought her hands around his neck and reset to their starting position head to head, kissing her wildly with all the yearning he could and would have nibbling and biting until he couldn’t breathe any more. Pulling away he lead her toward his bed.

He slid the pale green dress above her head while guiding her down across his bunk taking his weigh on his knees. He began to kiss a trail from her lips to her breast the moon providing the only light. He savored her nipples and wondered were they nice and pink. She bucked under his caress hands covering her mouth only soft sighs of pleasure escaping as he gave both mounds their fair amount of attention suckling, pinching, massaging leaving her gasping.

He felt her stop breathing when he started to lick a passage to her belly button only to exhale as he placed soft kiss on her cotton covered bud both her hands attempted to stifle the soft moans.

He placed a hand under her back as he pulled her cotton covering from her waist. The smell of her sex was intoxicating him as he kissed her inner thighs.  He could feel the chill run up her body as she opposed his embrace.

He commenced to feed burying his face deep between her legs, his tongue setting a pace alternating between suckling and pecking.

Her soft whimpers urged him on before she fail silent body quaking, muscles twitching under his tongue. Chakotay forced her legs open wider pining her in place he wasn’t finish he still hungered for more. His lips began to suck hard on her. Janway was now pulling at his hair the sheets whimpering in objection before he felt the liquid in his mouth as she violently convulsed her voiced muffled by the pillow she had bitten. He drunk her in.

Just his breath made her frantic. He stood up while she was in her euphoria shuddering from the cool breeze that was making its way in from a window she’d open earlier that day. The moon was high now he could admire his work see the damp sweat on her skin, her hair painted across his sheets.

“You’re so beautiful Kathryn...”

Chakotay undress watching her caress her own skin in the aftershock before laying at her side. He observed the goosebumps form under his fingertips before bringing her hand to touch the length of him. Her hand stroked him slowly as the other griped her breast.

His hand followed her example as he nuzzled her neck servicing her other orb.

Kathryn was in a hurry again as she proceeded to stroke him with a bit more speed. She stopped when she felt his fingers dip inside her wetness rubbing slowly and gently. She opened her legs willingly allowing him to get a better angle.

He stopped and brought those fingers to her mouth he had only wanted to taunt her but to his surprised she swallowed them greedily causing a surge in his loins he couldn’t take.

He maneuvered placing himself between her legs is his length nudging at her opening. She softly bucked her hips to welcome him.

Chakotay entered feeling her go rigid wrapping her body tight around his he wanted to be gentle but she was stubborn bringing her lips to his shoulder biting down hard causing him to dive in deep until their hips connected.

He could taste the blood she drew as he forcefully kissed her. He felt her clench around him and relax several times chipping away at his firmness if he moved now he would lose it and her.

Their breathing reverberated against the walls.

“I need to her you Kathryn tell me...” he managed in between pants.

 He pinned her arms above hear head their fingers interlocking.

“Tell me.”

She was silent.

He hips started grid against her as though he could go any deeper bring them any closer.

“Tell me.”

She turned her head away biting her lip in defiance.

Chakotay was at his wits end when he pulled out just to slam into her causing a yelp.

“Why do you have to be so goddamn stubborn?”

He let go of her hands pinning her waist to the bed as he collided into her with hard deep strokes. He put a hand on her abdomen pushing her to the bed while he brought the other to her throat.

He was chocking her.

Her hands wrapped around his wrist while the other clawed his back not fighting as they locked eyes for the first time since the commlink.

_1…2..3..4..5..6..7.._

He released his grip for her lungs to fill with air and to share a kiss as his hips picked up the pace the muscles in back working hard.

“Tell me…” he was breathless holding on by shear will alone.

She didn’t look away but still was silent.

His hand tightens one more.

_1..2..3..4..5..6.._

He felt her start to shudder and he released his grasp. Kathryn screamed out this time he didn’t know from pain or pleasure her body vibrating, his name on her lips. He slowed his pace not wanting to finish.

“Enjoy me.” She crooned her body still surging.

Chokaty slide out of her still quivering body tapping her leg and assisting as she rolled over on her hands in knees.

She threw her hair to one side and looked back her eyes filled with moisture.

“Enjoy me Chakotay.”

“Oh Great sprites Kaythryn.”

Was all he could muster when they aligned again she was now meeting him with each thrust finding a rhythm he found his hands pulling at her long fiery mane before shoving her to the cot as he felt a snap as though he was being pulled apart at the seams of his being.

He came with a growl shouting her name to the heavens causing her to ride the wave to her own as she felt him empty inside her. They collapsed and he pulled her into his arms. Kathryn laid on her back while he on his side. One arm covered her waist the other being a pillow for her head. Her knees draped over his thighs. He wanted to wrap her up in him.

They stayed liked that no one talking or moving just breathing in sync listing to heartbeats.

She was the first to break the silence.

“Im going to the river.” Her voice echoed as she initiated the untangling process, leaving him alone.

He mourned the fact that she wanted him off her so quickly. She wanted to wash away what they had shared as though it was dirty and shameful.

He found himself turning the lights up and heading for the shower. Chakotay examined himself in the mirror observing the chest and shoulder bite. He smiled his back and arms looked like he got attacked by a puma.

_A wildcat._

He too had accidentally marked what should have been his.

 When she returned from the river he had most of his things packed in he looked at her return hair perfectly quaffed in a bun, uniform turtle neck and pants no pips or Comm badge.

She nodded seeing him dressed in the same.

 

He was unapologetic as he watched her move toward her badge pulling at her collar as she placed the pips revealing her darkening bruises.

“Commander we got work to do Voyager will be here in ten hours.”

She leaned over to move a random box and singed in pain.

He smiled dimples deep set in satisfaction.

“Aye Capitan.”

_It will take her eight hours to find the med kit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know where this is going or how this is going to end but I hope you are reading and enjoying.


	3. Fun

 

Tuvok squinted at his sensor readings before alerting the Captain.

 “Long range sensors indicate a M-class plant approximately 15 lightyears away.”.

“Any inhabitants.”  She retorted before crossing her legs.

“Sensors show no sentient life forms present on the plant.”

“On Screen” Janeway commanded almost levitating out of seat in excitement. She glanced over the star chart before her eyes twinkling brighter than the image on the view screen.

“Let’s go investigate it might be fun to stretch our legs for a bit.” She gave a lopsided smirk to her first officer before adding.

“Maybe even shore leave if it is hospitable.”

If the Vulcan was less, then please with his captain she had no way of knowing except his typical eyebrow adjustment then shuffle which brought about an observation more than a rebuttal.

“Human fascination with "fun" has led to many tragedies in your short but violent history. One wonders how your race has survived having so much "fun.” 

“Well you know what they say about fun Mr. Tuvok.” She was seething with excitement and mystery.

“No. I do not.”

“Time flies when you’re doing it?” Tom chided from the helm. His grin to creeping larger.

“The passage of time does not change from preferable task verses the lesser Mr. Paris. However, optimum gratitude may increase work efficiency and morale.”

“Never underestimate the importance of having fun?” Chakotay rung in as a translation.

“Lay in a course at warp three lieutenant and engage. You have the bridge Commander. Alert me before we reach orbit. I’ll be in my ready room”

“Aye Captain.”

She was almost skipping as she left the bridge.

_Kim to Tovok_

_“Don’t worry I won’t tell them.”_

_“What information are you referring to and from who is it that you are refraining from sharing this unknown information.”_

_“That even you like to have fun.”_

_“Your imagination ensign Vulcans do not have fun.”_

They were not prepared for the tropical oasis. Long range scans were showing a tropical paradise that would put Risa to shame providing the class three probe permitted it was safe. The ship was a buzzed with hopes of much need shore leave.

Her ready room chimed bring her First Officer to find Captain Janeway napping on her ready room couch PADD in lap feet tucked under coffee resting in-between the couch in her thigh.

Chakotay cleared his throat a bit more loudly then needed bringing a sleeping Janeway to realize she had dozed off.

“Sorry to interrupt Captain, but you asked for the report before we entered the plants orbit.  


She blushed faintly like a child caught with sweet contraband.

“No apology needed Commander I must have dozed off.”

She waved the PADD in her lap as though it was a golden ticket.

“I find warp core phase variations report stimulating like Vulcan poetry.”

She shifted trying to control the blush in her chicks that was third time this week shed dosed off reading reports.

“Maybe I should tell Tuvok of your interest.” He teased. His eyes shimmered like autumn leaves in the sun.

You keep sleeping that way you’re going to be sore.”

She balked, straightening herself out stretching her body “Here it is, I thought my soreness was a cause of old age and poor beverage decisions.”

Neelix has purposed a party to celebrate the beginning and end of our shore leave and here are the shore leave rotations providing we get the all clear. 

He handed her the PADD her eyes twinkled with a refreshed enthusiasm.

“The crew needs this and we can take the time to replenish our reserves as well as do some routine maintenance on Voyager. I believe three weeks could be well spent.”

“I agree. I have approved Tuvok’s request to gives some of our junior officers some necessary bridge training.”

“Tovok, I believe is looking forward to anything other than another of Neelix's parties.”

You’re right there, I might have to order him to go.”

He handed her another PADD as an after thought.

There's a cave and waterfalls three meters east of the intended transport site. I figured you would like to go on an expedition.

Her eyes soften as read over the probes early schematics.

“Why thank you Commander.”

Her excitement seemed to bubble to her eyes as she thought of the possibilities of discovery.

“Will you be exploring Commander?” she asked before she could stop the words from escaping her lips.

“No, On my leave I was thinking of going on a vision quest… me and the spirits have been disconnected for some time.” He spoke as though the word were heavy and hard to let out.

“Oh that sound lovely. Dismissed."

Janeway Had decided go down with the second survey team when she detected a hot spring not 10km from the transport sight.

The grotto itself held a natural beauty. The inner surface was covered in reflective mineral rocks as though she was in a mine of fool's gold there was a mossy sweet smell in the air it reminded her of corn fields just before the rain and potato cellars. She moved her tricorder around varies minerals as iron, sulfur, and metabolic acid where displayed with the water holding a temp of 25 °C and above in some places the steam was almost suffocating. she tapped her comm.

_“Janeway to Voyager”_

_“Voyager here.” Paris voice echoed clearly_

_“I’ve discovered a hot spring of some sorts, have a science team come investigate. We could have place for a good old fashion soak.”_

_“Aye captain telling Alpha team your present coordinates now._

_“Thank you Mr. Paris, how are the juniors doing?”_

_“Fine Captain, I don’t believe were in any danger of system failure.”_

_“Good Don’t touch anything and it should stay that way”_

_“Janeway out”_ She could hear the snickering before the line terminated

Fifteen minutes later she was bent down passing her tricorder over a particular magenta rock coat thrown to the side hair sticking to her face with a sweat spot beginning to form at her shoulder blades. When she heard footsteps approaching she was intending to ask Ayala what took him so long she popped up quickly only to find herself dizzy and falling hitting her head against the pores rock surface.

Janeway awoke with a legendary headache in sickbay disoriented and nausea.

She tried to sit up and steady herself on the biobed

“What happen doctor.”

“You fainted hit your head and now have a concussion. Not to mention Ayala and alpha team almost had a heart attack when they found you. I know it’s Captain’s prerogative to do as you please but take a bit more care of yourself… At least now you have a reason too.

He added passing the tricorder back over the captain as she processed what he was saying.

“Is there something wrong doctor”

“Nothing that won’t solve itself in six months.”

He loaded a hyperspray before placing on her neck its hiss brought alleviation from her nausea although the head still was a dull thump.

“What are talking about did I pick up a virus from the hot springs. Did Ayala and the others get it also?” she looked around the entire sickbay to find it completely empty not even Kes.

“No I don’t think Ayala is going to contract this particular virus unless we’ve encountered some Xyrillians that I don’t know about.”

He was putting algorithms in the console next to her biobed.

“Doctor what the hell I going on?”

“Congratulations captain you are pregnant.”

“What?” she half spat confusion she knew she had hurt her head but this was absurd.

“Pregnant two months and 6 days by the calculations here.” he ran another wand over her abdomen showing her the results.

“Wha…wha..how its impossible…” she ramble as she looked at the tricorders readings for herself.

“Improbable yes, but not impossible. Captain I believe you’re a bit too old for the bird and the bee.”

“Not the semantics but how as in I’ve been on the booster since the academy and boosters don’t fail on human physiology.” She steamed.

“If had to speculate the cure for the virus somehow negated your booster it was an unforeseen side effect.” He said marveling at his own brilliance.

“An unforeseen side affect…A rash is a an unforeseen side effect Doctor Im pregnant.” Her words came out in fury.

 Where you not trying to be Captain?

“NO!” her voiced seemed to bellow. The dull ache the was in her head had started to become a knock.

“Oh, well you and the father will have to discuss alternative options.”

She blinked three times. Her face clearly stating processing please wait.

“Alternative options.” The words left her lips like a whisper.  

“Given the sensitivity of this nature I’m conjecturing you would like to inform Commander Chakotay yourself.”

Again she blinked multiple time with the same loading screen face.”

“Inform Chakotay…” the words made her mouth dry.

“Yes, he is the father is he not and Second Officer I can’t order you light duty for two days without informing him.”

“Wha…wha…”

“It is not quantum mechanics I am your physician and gave you a full checkup upon returning to Voyager two months ago.” He said his impatience with her shock growing.

“I’m a doctor not a detective.”

She looked in horror as she processed is words.

 “Don’t worry captain I thought it better not to note the signs of vigorous activity in your medical personal file, but the Commander will need to be informed of your condition for command reasons.”

Janeway snapped back to herself with all the anger of a blood thirsty Klingon.

“You will do no such thing.”

“Capt..”

“You will however tell Chacoktay that due to the concussion I am restricted to light duty you will tell no one of this pregnancy that is an order am I clear.” Her command voice sliced threw the air.

“Yes Captain.”

She let out a sigh as to ease the tension before continuing.

“If I decided to move forward with these alternative options how would I proceed.”

“Captain if you decided to terminate. I would have to wait until your concussion is cleared and I would recommend a day off afterward but it won’t take more than an hour. I will send more information to you on a PADD or we can discuss it in person if you like.”

There was the elephant in the room “terminate” and although she thought she had braced for the impacted of the word it still made her sick.

“How long do I have to make a decision?”

“Three weeks.” The doctor seem a little dismayed that she was actually considering it.

She nodded.

“Thank you for your help and discretion. Doctor if you will excuse me."

“Wait.” he said hurrying quickly to his office before returning with two PADD’s

“One is the information about you and the child it has a recording of its heartbeat if you would like to hear it the other is about your alternative options. Also for the time being I would ask that you refrain from sudden changes to your equilibrium as well as other pregnancy precautions. I would tell you discontinue your coffee intake but I’m not sure if your body could handle the withdrawals so limited it too two cups a day and I would like to see you before you go back on duty.”

She nodded taking the information he had given in her hands. she made her way to her quarters slowly nodding and assuring what crew members she found that she was perfectly fine. Once in her quarters she was allowed not to be perfectly fine.

It started as a fidget while reading her medical report she rubbed the back of her neck tugged at the top of turtle neck before quick removal of her coat she continued to skim threw the report with all regulation warnings being pregnant aboard a starship before she lost focus her long strides brought her to the bathroom mirror. Her hands were frantically removing pips, extracting pins from hair faster than she could process. She couldn’t breath as she pulled the standard issue gray top over her head. She couldn’t afford to hyperventilate and pass out in her quarters. Janway splashed cold water on her face before she looked at herself, her body. Feeling the panic and anxiety simmer across the surface of her skin and hid in the blue o her eyes. Hair tussled about she allowed her gaze to drop to her abdomen feeling a new stiffness she could see the way her uniform pants fit snug enough to whelp her waist she tossed the restrict garment aside along with the bra that had started to chafe two days ago. Janeway took a good long look at her body as though it was foreign. Her eyes traced the few scars she had along with freckles and the occasional hair bump always refocusing on her abdomen. She couldn’t picture it. She slid into her favorite peach gown wrapping her hair up in a loose ponytail. The top just a bit tight in the chest area. She mused the idea of getting a nice rack before putting on her rob and settling on the couch she began to read the second tablet from the doctor she unconsciously quelled the anxiety of reading with hand across her abdomen.

Her door chime brought her back to reality

‘Come in”

Kathryn would have chocked if she had been drinking anything as her first officer strolled in the room.

She pulled the rob tighter across her waist before pulling a decorative pillow in her lap. 

She raised a hand stopping him

“I’m fine.”she stated before he could ask saying it more so for self then really needed.

“The doctor told me.”

“Told you what Commander?” her word came out like forward phasers firing releasing all the air in her body.

He laugh unsure of the reason for the look of dismay.

“That you are restrict to light duty for two days.”

“Ah… yes he is very adamant about that and for once since we are scheduled for R&R I think I might do it.” She relaxed adjusting the pillow to cover her abdomen better.

“I’m sure he will be delighted to hear that the Captain is following his orders.” He teased his eyes taking her in just abit more carefully. He was sure she was hiding something but what he wasn’t sure.

 “Careful or his head will swell.”

“I bet, as though it could get any bigger” he smiled

She was laughing now pillow clenched. 

“Well at least his bed side manner has gotten better.”

“I don’t know the way he kicked out Ayala and the rest of the crew makes me wonder.”

“he didn’t..”

“I left after he said you were going to be okay, I swear I thought he was going to call Tuvok.”

She couldn’t hide the comfort she was receiving he had that effect on her the ability to ease stress even when he didn’t know what was wrong and there was a big something wrong or rather a growing something wrong.  


“Is there anything you would like me to take over perhaps I can help you with these PADDS” he reached for the randomly shrewd devices across her coffee table.

“No!...” she hit his hand like he was small child reaching for the oven stirring a chuckled yelp from him.

“I sorry...I mean you know I don’t do light duty well these well help keep me off the bridge and out of everyone’s hair.”

“It’s not a burden Kathryn.”

“I know Commander but you deserve to enjoy your shore leave didn’t you want to speak with your spirit guide?” it was low of her but she had to get him out her quarters.

“I can handle this.” She reassured.

“Are you sure Kaythryn.”

“Yes now go I’m still feeling a bit groggy.”

“Good night Kathryn”

“Goodnight Commander”

He didn’t hear the thump of PADDS hitting the wall he was much to concern with how lovely her breast looked in her nightgown and the way her hair was swept up in the messy bun and the blush of her cheeks yes Kathryn Janeway was up to something and had a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoyed writing this chapter more. I know I switched my POV I tend to like a vignette style of writing omnipotent cosmic power itty-bitty writing space. I gave myself a pat on the back for the Class three probe it was a good guess. I welcome anyone who wants to beta. Tovok diction was a bit troubling but I really let J/C banter. Tell me if you think i got the doctor spot on. Happy New Year.


	4. Feather,loin cloths and blabber Mouths

Janeway sat in the corner of the mess hall peeping over her PADD marveling at crewmen come and go freshly tans some sunburned but all were happy and relaxed. There was a vibrant energy in the air that hadn’t been there since they departed.  The ship was invigorated completing the repairs and maintenance a week ahead of schedule just to have extra shore leave. There was a bonfire every night planet side where the crew gathered laugh and dance and when the command team was not present drunk ship hooch. She wondered how the science team kept up with the demand. Different crew men ran the bonfire every night celebrating a different tradition, a little piece of home born every night at sunset. Tonight was the Detilian solstice in which the females adorned themselves in brightly colored jewelry, beads and feathers the outfits mostly resembled something from a twentieth century Earth tradition called Carnival. She usually watched from afar or attended the opening ceremony when there was one but this unique celebration required her and her first officer to act as King and Queen. A King and Queen, who would have to wear extremely large and quite revealing costume. She had settled on a floor length aquamarine chiffon skirt with slits up to her hip. There were two crystal fastens on either side across the thigh allowing the material to stay in place but still exposed a fair amount of skin underneath a white bikini bottom. she found sapphire like stones on her hike and made a rather large belt to camouflage her waist. The belt anchored an almost dragon scale snow white textile that created her chest piece resembling a warrior’s breast plate. Aquamarine scale sequence trimmed edges of her top with sapphire stones placed around the liberal key hole cutout before the fabric connected to a choker of sapphires that continued down the spine of her back connecting to the belt once again. The dress itself was a feat of engineering. It was racy, her back and sides were out, but it was a great upgrade from the feathery, bejeweled two piece Neelix had suggested.  The only thing the Talaxian would not budge on was the head piece and subsequent wings that were taller then her, he worked 13 hours to construct them. Her nose wrinkled, she cringed at the idea of slipping into such a provocative and tedious outfit just to give the opening blessing but the crew were already too excited. She felt as though she had been doped into agreeing to three parties on each week of R&R.

 

“Replicator ration for your thoughts Captain.”

“I don’t think you have enough.” she quipped as the last crewman she wanted to see set in front of her with a cup of herbal tea that was assaulting her senses. At least it was peppermint she scoffed. Janeway straightened her posture crossing her legs and leaned forward folding an arm casually across her waist.

“Well I might have a few extra, I haven’t had to spend them on coffee as much.” He shot back a dimpled smiled before mirroring her posture but sitting reclining back.

“I would think that was a good thing would you rather have to have Ensign Kim volunteer his or borrow from B’lenna again.”

This time she set back strategically placing the PADD in her lap.

He looked away for a second tugging at his ear as he leaned forward.

“So how was the hot springs Captain.”

_Janeway 1 Chakotay 0_ she mused

“Absolutely Amazing and the waterfall was wonderful too but you should go before sunset I hear it becomes quite lively.”

“Yes, I did notice quite a few couples head that way before and after the gatherings.”

“Did you meet your friend.”

Chakotay hand went through his hair before responding.

“Yes, I went a sunrise it was peaceful.”

“Im happy for you Commander you look renewed.” This was an unintentionally honest statement. She knew he would go on spirit walks once a week on New Earth. When she overheard the spirits hadn’t responded since, she had hurt for him.

“You’ve been glowing yourself, Captain.”

_Chakotay 1_

“Well ah…Yes this R&R has done the entire crew some good. Even Tuvok.” She stumbled taking a long sip of coffee trying to steady her nerves.                                                                                                                                

“About tonight…”

“Not a word about those preposterous costumes.” She rolled her eyes as he chuckled shifting in his seat.

“It can’t be as bad as mine, although I can’t say I am not curious.” He baited straight face taking a sip of his peppermint concoction.

She returned his smile with a mischievous grin of her own.

“I’m of course curious to see the commander’s solciste dance.”

He stood up bowing right hand over heart before looking up at her.

“Whatever my queen commands.”

_Chakotay 3 Janeway 2_

The first moon had begun to rise on the little tropical paradise as the crowd gathered. Women in colorful two pieces ornated with feathers and jewels their faces decorated with dazzling makeup mask to match their skin glowing in the dying sunlight from the copious amounts of body glitter. The men stood in shorts of varying length and tightness and even a few loin cloths mostly bare chested adorned with arm bands, necklaces, belts, sashes and crowns of feather and jewels.  Just as the sun begin to sink in to the horizon Janeway transported down B’Elanna and Samantha Wildman on either side of her. They hid Janeway behind large white feather fans. B’Elanna had went with a Royal purple two piece tankini style with gold chain straps and bedazzled bodice while Samantha Wildman pregnant but not to be out done had choosen a Forest Green high-waist two piece and sarong she embellished with ruby accents.

B’Elanna started the opening call to note the queen was arriving which was repeated by Wildman and then said in unison.

Tom smitten by the purple clad princess in particular made the answering call followed by Ayala.

The music started a tribal beat as the crowd parted revealing two oversized decorative seats. One held the First officer. Chakotay was bare chested his waist covered in a complicatedly wrapped red fabric that tied at the his hips the excess fabric made a sash that attached to a neck piece that held a large Sapphire in the center. His head piece was oversized and made him look as though he wore the mane of a lion. Ayala wore the same red fabric in a loin cloth fashion bare chested while Tom and Harry wore the same color burgundy shorts with golden and leather accents wrapped around their neck and arms.

Chakotay stood and held out his hand. The music stop when the ladies stepped to the side and presented Janeway.

Janeway stood before the crowd her sea colored wings attached to her back her hair braided falling to the front with a crystal sapphire head band for a crown. Everyone bowed as a fast cadence from the hand drummers surged louder. Janeway walked toward Chakotay as the crowd threw roses at her feet.

He could not help but think she looked like a winged warrior woman beautiful and glowing in the fading light. His heart took cadence with the drums as she drew close. He didn’t know where to look or how to take her in. Her wings lit dusk’s pale embrace. Her hair seemed to shine like the fire flames, then there was her costume. He was almost positive she had gone up on the ranking scale among the men after tonight. He knew the Deltlians were a sensual and sexual charged race but they clearly hadn’t account for the woman standing before him now. He felt he was going to go insane just watching her hips sway as she approached. She may as well been walking toward him absolutely naked.

Janeway thought she was doing well. Even though the wing contraption that Neelix had made was a bit heavy and some of the jewels were sure to bruise her if she didn’t take off the ridiculous costume in the next hour. She was fine, so far so good, that is until she saw her first officer, partially covered, hand stretched out beckoning her forward. Her heart was beating faster than the drums. She deliberately proceeded slowly taking deep breaths to steel her nerves as she put on her smirk of the outlandishness of the situation. Janeway was walking down an aisle of rose petals to meet her half naked first officer.

Their hands met finally. Wildman and B’Elanna took off her wings placing them over the chair next to the lion head piece.

“You look angelic Captain.”

“Not too bad yourself commander. Now let’s get this over with.”

Their fingers entwined and they made a circle before she was seated and he knelt before her and then to the audience. 

A flute played as he did a salutation to the sun he then bowed to Ayala and begun to dance the traditional steps of a dance they use to do on Dorvan.  Aylaya bow to Belanna and she joined in doing a simplistic eight count before inviting Wildman who followed suit and then Chokotay smiled a smile of mischief, wonder and pain before he held his hand out to Janeway.

She rose and joined the eight count the crowd following suit. They danced together and apart in rhythm and out bouncing around like subatomic particles laughter blanketing the twilight zephyr. The music grew faster as they danced uninhibited, bodies mingling sweat forming singing into the heavens. Janeway looked around feeling weightless and full of light before looking up at the night sky. Her crew was full of life and nothing was wrong. She felt her body waver her legs giving out and for second she didn’t care she was fainting.

 

She woke up in sickbay dizzy, a hypospray being pushed to her neck.

“Someone sure knows how to party.” The doctor waved the tricorder down her body.

“I might know a thing or two…” she rebutted

“You feinted along with ensign Wildman at this evenings festivities.”

She sat up feeling the room wobble as her hands went down to her abdomen.

Janeway steadied herself and blinked.

“Is she okay.”

“Everyone… is fine.” The Doctor nodded.

“Wildman went to rejoin the party a few minutes ago along with Ayala.”

A sigh of relief escaped her body before Chakotay cleared his throat.

Janeway looked at the doctor.

He nodded apologetically.

She took a deep breath.

“Excuse me Doctor, I’ll be in my quarters tell the crew, I’m fine it’s just heat exhaustion.”

“Commander if you will follow me.”

They exited sickbay and boarded the turbolift in silence as it moved them to deck three.  

 

Chakotay’s mind was not in the lift, or how Kes curiously stated the doctors mistake giving Janeway a hypospray only for pregnant women, or the doctor declaration that he made no mistakes only to realize Chakotay was in the room. It was on the planet at sunrise 7 days earlier.

_A-koo-chee-moy-a. I am far from the sacred places of my grandfathers. I am far from the bones of my people. But perhaps there is one powerful being who has the answers I seek._

_Chokotay was in a forest but not in Dorvan. He walked a few meters taking in the air, the sun, the noise of the animals as it dawns on him where he was._

_“I did not expect to be here.” He spoke out to the forest.”_

_There was a rustle in the leaves but no answer. He walked a few more paces taking in his memory. He recalled this day exactly._

_“Why bring me here if you intend not to speak with me.” He asked, a bit more annoyed that she always played these games._

_“Because you never left,” her voice silenced any other ambient animal sounds. It always did._

_He looks around searching for the direction it originated. He knew she would only show herself when she felt good and ready._

_“I did leave.”_

_“Yessss,  but then again why are we here”_

_He sees her appear from a burrow slithering her body greenish gold it had taken that color on new earth. What a contradiction he was born into he still was not use to her._

_“I have wanted to speak for some time.” He ignored the question not wanting to go rounds with her._

_“You have wanted answerss I can not give for some time…you still do” she coiled herself up looking at him placing herself between the burrow and him._

_“So, why do you come now.” It was her turn to ignore him She perked up looking back at the burrow._

_“You are not lost Chakotay.”_

_She looks at him tongue forking tasting the air.  She appears bigger than the last time to him but it has been awhile._

_“I am not lost.” he repeats with more question in his voice then statement._

_“I am…”_

_A Gecko appears out of the burrow before scurrying back inside at the sight of Chakotay._

_“It seems your neighbor doesn’t care for me.”_

_He hears the snake laugh._

_“Because your question searches for deep meaning, I shall explain in simple words”_

_“Ac.t..”_

_the chirp of the gecko makes her uncoil._

_“I will see you again perhaps, If not your father is much better at that conversation._

_She slithers back toward the burrow. He sees her clearly now the sun high and warm she is bigger she looks like she’s already eaten something round._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put a little extra love on this chapter and indulged just a bit. I hope you guys enjoy. I borrow a fe words from Dante's inferno as well as few episodes.  
> Of course I do not own anything but these daydreams


	5. Explanations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its a fight.

 

They had arrived to her quarters all too quickly stepping over the threshold doors hissing closed behind them.

“Computer”

“Enact privacy, lock Janeway Sigma. Eta. One. Tau.”

“Warning two command personnel are present.”

“Override.”

“Janeway  Omega. Two. Tau.”

“Privacy lock engaged.”

 “The only person that can enter this room is Tuvok our commlinks are deactivated.”

She didn’t need to glance back at him to know he was standing at her door watching her discard jewelry and Commlink. She wanted to change but given the conversation it could wait. She added to the little pieces of sea forming on her desk removing crown and earrings. The silence was deafening but louder than any tri-cobalt device detonation.

_Fine._

_“_ Computer Coffee. Black. Hot. Half cup.” It was deliberate an opening gambit.

_“Warning ingesting excessive amounts of caffeine while pregnant may lead to miscarriage or early delivery.”_ The melodic voice sound with some urgency.

“Override Janeway Alpha 3”

“Belay that order.” his voice was sharp.

“Computer, two Hot Chocolates. Extra dark chocolate.”

She sauntered over to the couch placing his beverage on the table.

They were engaging in guerrilla war fair and she knew it.

“The Doctor allows me two cups of coffee a day. Anymore and I get a warning. He said he doesn’t believe my body could handle the withdrawals if I quit.” The words dangled in the air allowing Chakotay to access his options.

He walked toward the cup and grabbed the dark liquid taking a seat at her desk.

“Considering last time the entire ship would agree.”

He watched her sipping the sugary substance looking out at the stars.

He knew she was being tactical, not viewing him allowed her to be methodical. His gaze enveloped her. She stilled looked like a goddess. Skin pale underneath light, he could see the chaffing at her thigh from the beads and figured it probably was the same at her neck and waist. Even now her beauty was distracting.

 “Is it…” his mind swirled, emotions churned as the words left his lips not above a whisper.

“Yes.” The term hung in the air stiff, heavy almost suffocating.

He was glad she was not observing now as the response caused his personal core breach.

“Something with the antidote off set my booster. The doctor didn’t… “

“How far along….”

“Almost three months, I found out after the recent accident…” her voice cracked a bit.

“Why didn’t you…” his hand passed over his head and then impact. He was out of his seat looking down upon her. she flinched if only for a second which cause another core breach in him.

The recycled air hummed the only rebuttal.

“You weren’t were you?” He spat out disgusted.

“You were going to terminate.” He blinked twice as he felt the few sip of chocolate travel back to his mouth if only for a moment.

“Without even telling me you were going to end our…Kathryn how could you even.” The back of his hand past over his mouth as he collapsed in the chair.

“What would you have me do Chakotay…I need to be the Captain.” eyes soft but tone commanding as she looked at the disheveled man in the seat.

“You are also a human Kathryn. A woman who is carrying life… A precious life. He paced away fighting the agony and the look in her eyes.

“You could be Captain with a child.” It was soft pleading and despondent.

“Yes I could, but not carrying, not aboard, not in the delta Quadrant when we are lightyears from home and I have 152 people needing me to be of sound judgment and have their best interest…. the crews best interest in mind.”

 “Kathryn…” it swells from deep within.

“How am I supposed to do that incapacitated by morning sickness. How can I stand on the bridge at red alert worried that the next volley of weapons fire or the next away mission I could lose, better yet how could you?”

“Her hand traveled her stomach as she gave him a confused head shake that he had seen a thousand times.

“I am Voyager’s Captain I can’t confine myself to my ready room every time some species wants to play kick the starship. I’m not Chakotay. A Captain needs to be singled minded to get this crew home.”

“And you are convinced that is the answer. That is the outcome you can live with for 75 years…, KATHRYN, 75 years back to the alpha quadrant.”

“Chakotay I am well aware of the time it will take to get back to the alpha quadrant this, this, this…”

She gestured toward them, toward the ship, toward her belly.

“…Didn’t sign up for that. “What do you expect to happen Chakotay?”

_THWACK_.

 The sound bounced of the bulk heads causing her to forget to breathe.

“I expect you to be an adult and not be as selfish as you have been. You are not alone, every member of this crew will lay down their lives for you. Yet all I’ve heard is delusions of grandeur of what a Starfleet Captain must be, about YOU, and your position and your goddamn Protocol. We are not in the alpha quadrant anymore the rules are becoming less and less applicable so we need to start writing a new rule book.”

 He passed hitting another wall for good measure before turning back to her Captain’s mask still in place but barely.

“And since were here why don’t you ask me how I feel, what I think, instead of just ordering me to except your decision.”

It was her turn to pace across the room to her desk back still to him. She spoke at the air.

“You don’t think I know you would want this, how you will do everything logical and illogical short from mutiny to make me keep this.”

“It’s a life Kathryn, a child, our child… growing in you every day for the past two months not an object or a science experiment but life, a little piece of us yet you can’t even acknowledge it.”

She was silent undaunted by his glare.”

“Say Something, or do you hate us that much now, or is being a perfect Captain that important to you?”

It was a low blow they both knew if she said yes to either would be lying, but she couldn’t bring herself to say what he really wanted to know.  

She turned around hurling the empty mug at the wall behind him.

YOU WOULD WEAKEN ME CHOKOTAY. THIS WILL WEAKEN ME. She yelled louder than she knew she could, directing all her sorrow at him.

She turned away trying hide the tears that were began to pool down her cheeks. She looked back at him seeing him flinch in a ducking motion. She leaned on the desk for support.

“I made an error in judgment, Chakotay. It was short-sighted and it was selfish and now all of us are paying for my mistake. I can’t afford to make the same mistake twice.”

“I can’t afford to lose again.” She added her voice not above a whisper.

“Kathryn please...”

She looked away shaking her head running both hands down her braided hair.

She felt him move closer to her.

“Kathryn look at me.”

He was their kneeling down in front of her hands wrapping around her waist as his forehead met her belly.

He was sobbing now.

“Kathryn the only mistake you will make is ending this life because you will sentence me to die too. I won’t survive. I couldn’t stay here and without you I would have no peace.”

He felt her arms come around him her tears falling to his back.

“I can’t lose again.”  

Chakotay stood up cupping her face gently. She didn’t register the first kiss. It gently brushed against her cheek soft chasing the tears that escaped their blue prisons.

She looked up into his dark eyes seeing the nebula of emotion she had caused.

Her hands trembled as she erased a tear trail.

His hand clasped over hers guiding it to his lips placing velvet kisses in her palm on her wrist.

“I could tell you that you won’t lose, but I won’t… I don’t want to lie to you Kathryn. So, I will tell you that if you…” he inhaled looking for the words as though they could be found in the scent of her skin or the depths of her eyes.

“If you grant me…grant us this blessing. I will stay by your side, ease your burden, put your needs before my own. My world will begin and end with you and this life because with you two I will truly be at peace. I could not ask anything more of the spirits.”

She blinked trying to stop the moisture as her heart gave way. She looked down at his chest before meeting his unwavering gaze.

He kissed her third finger.

“Always.”

Janeway nodded in surrender feeling his inner strength flow into her calming the tempest she felt brewing.

Chakotay let out a long sigh before kissing her palm again.  He didn’t know what to do next. He knew that they both were to emotionally drained for physical intimacy but it didn’t feel right to just to leave.

“May I hold you?”

She nodded once again causing the XO to pull her into a tight hug inhaling her scent of lavender and seawater as he tried to wrap her up in him.

_AhhhhChooo._

She sneezed and backed away embarrassed.

“I’m….” she was interrupted as two more shook her small frame.

He laughed dispelling his doubts and fears causing her cheeks to redden.

“Faux fur got you?” he teased taking off the elaborate sash. Janeway could feel herself turning a new shade of red her ears began to blaze.

“I’m sorry…”

He grabbed her hand once again leading her to the sofa but not sitting.

“lets get you out of your costume.”

Her eyes widen displaying shock then interest.

“You are bruising.” His fingers traced the collar of her dress his eyes clear of turbulence and growing in tom foolery.

Janeway was sure she was as red as the material wrapping his waist.

A small smirk reached her lips as she turned around lowering her head so he could see the clasp.

He unfastened the choker gliding his hands over her whelps and bruises before kissing them softly.

“Chakotay...”her voice said with a unsure warning.

“I won’t… “

She allowed him to undo her belt before pushing the fabric down taking the time to let his hands caress her back and graze her breast while he helped the fabric to the floor. He pulled her closer to him wrapping her in his arms not caring that she probably felt the growing erection against her backside. His hands covered her belly as he planted butterfly kisses up her shoulder to her ear.

“Always” he whispered feeling her hands come to cover his as she leaned back into his embrace.

Chakotay stepped away releasing her and she missed his touch immediately. A shiver ran up her spine and she wasn’t sure if it was because it was cool or she knew he was looking at her body.

“Stay here.” She could hear the amusement in his tone as he walked toward the replicator not glancing back.

Computer.

Shirt specifications Chakotay Zeta one.

There was a hum and he turned and faced her material in hand. He wore the same look she had seen walking down the aisle at the bonfire it seemed so far away now like it had happened long ago.

She smirked.  As he draped the fabric over her head. She allowed him to dress her the garment seeming to swallow her and stop mid-thigh.

His gaze bored into her eyes as he moved her hair out the collar letting it fall behind her back. He brushed back a few loose strands.

“I want to kiss you but I am afraid if I start I won’t be able to stop.” His dimples showed as he pulled at his ear nervously shifting his weight.

He took her hand placing kisses that felt like rain drops on leaves in her palm eyes dancing watching her stiffen at his touch.

“You are incorrigible.” She quipped swatting at his arm.

“I believe you told me once or twice.” He chided as he pulled her into his arms. Janeway felt her felt off the floor before she could object. Chakotay walked toward her bedroom laughing as she struggled tossed over his shoulder.

He placed her in bed not moving as she tried to give him a death glare that didn’t quite work due to the fact he was currently making his pecks dance. She watched as he took off the items from the bonfire. Necklace and armbands fell to the floor his eyes never leaving hers before he gave a small tug at the knot of fabric at his waist.

“Lights off.” His tone sultry.

She heard the fabric drop as it met the floor. She felt him climb into bed gathering her up in his arms pressing light kisses to her forehead as one hand found its way to her stomach.

“Always.” He whispered and she could feel him matching his breath to hers.

“Chakotay…”

“Yes Kathryn”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know, I forgive you.” His hand gave her stomach a rub. She listens to the sound of their breathing and wonders whose heartbeat she was hearing.

“Chakotay.”

“Yes Kathryn” he answers sleepily.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” He pulls her closer legs tangling in hers as he buries his face in her neck. She listens to their breathing again her mind reviewing the events of the day.

 “Chakotay?”

“Chakotay?” she hears a light snore start and she figures he completely sleep.

“Chakotay?” she waits before adding

“I love you.”

She matches his breathing and closes her eye and for a second she could swear she felt a smile across her neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed this I actually wrote this before I even thought of chapter 4. I wanted to show Kathryn as a vulnerable woman not just Captain. I don't no if I will continue for here I was kinda satisfied with them here.


End file.
